Birthday, Goodbyes, an Re-clarification

I turned 26 yesterday. To celebrate I made jello. I look forward to celebrating a little more when I go to Bangkok next week. Not older but wiser =) A couple days ago I met with the 2 closest volunteers to my site (John and Susan) to commemorate my birthday and quite possibly the last time we'll see each other for a while. It was surreal to think that this was the end of our Peace Corps saga together. But, we ended on a good note--this experience will bind us inevitably. The weather has been weird to say the least. Cold and windy--not unlike the weather I experienced in Monterey California. For this to happen during the supposed hottest time of year in Thailand is very unusual. Given this, I was pleased with my birthday gifts from Susan--a turtleneck sweater and a coat! (seeing as how I sent all my warm clothes home 18 months ago!)




Goodbye to John & Susan--for now!


Turning 26


Re-clarifying
After reading and re-reading my last post over again, I came to the realization that it's a bit, if not very vague. Apologies! Please understand that though I do have things to do everyday, I still have a lot of down and 'think' time. And often, if not most of the time, I get stuck inside my head. They don't tell you before joining the Peace Corps that it's really a series of personal growth tests; of self-discoveries and re-discoveries and doubting, philosophizing, identity crisis, and re-asserting about life and the world in which we live. And, perhaps it will change for me as an "RPCV"--returned or 'recovering (just kidding)' Peace Corps Volunteer-- or maybe I'll always be somewhat 'in my head'.

In any event, I think the point of the last post somehow got tangled up in my words. By no means do I have it all figured out! I contradict myself a lot. But, I know for certain that I have the utmost respect for certain virtues and personal integrity such as hard work, endurance,honesty, openness, mutual respect, non-violence, kindness, love, and fairness. And following your heart's desire. So many people I know here and back home and throughout the world emulate these traits every day and inspire me incalculably. I'm not saying we all need to be bleeding hearts and give up what we've earned either. Because I do believe passion and what makes people happy should be an important part of the path they chose in life. I also wanted to clarify that I'm not suggesting that the way to improving people's livelihoods and ending poverty/famine/inequality is by giving handouts. In fact, most of the people I meet in need refuse to accept handouts. Like my dad always says... "God helps he who helps himself."

The bottom line I was trying to get at is this... We are all human beings deserving of certain inalienable rights (one of which, I personally believe is the right to choose one's destiny or at least have some say in it.) and by recognizing someones essential humanity(through the virtues and integrity I mentioned earlier) we can learn and experience so much--about ourselves and about others. We can actually break down preconceived notions and assumptions and fears and see each other as these basic human beings worthy of shared inalienable rights. Such an experience can momentarily cut through the socio economical status, language, culture, gender, age,ethnicity, social class, education, sexual orientation, lifestyle, occupation, and beliefs--and remind us of how we all are a part of life. In such a world, discrimination, war and greed, manipulation and violence just might take a back seat to compassion.

I guess I was also trying to say that the way society is designed is not necessarily conducive for us to experience all that it means to be and live in this world. That it can be easy to get boxed in--for instance, me when I don't want to leave my house because I know people will be staring at me and talking and asking me questions until I go back in my house and shut the door.

Part of this is because, sure, we don't all think the same way. To conceptualize this, I think of the Buddhist theory of the "10 worlds" of being and consciousness.
It is said we are constantly shifting vertically and horizontally through these worlds or life states.
They include:
6 Realms of Desire: Hell, Hunger, Animality, Arrogance/anger, Humanity (passionate ideal/inactive tranquility), Heaven (short term)

and... 4 Noble Worlds: Learning, Realization, Bodhisattvahood, and Buddhahood.
See also: The http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_spiritual_realms

So, sometimes we get stuck in hunger--physical (food, pleasure, pain) and/or insatiable desires (wealth, power, fame, etc, etc.) I can easily relate this to my life. I start out physically hungry and desiring a certain food. Let's say mangoes. I eat enough mangoes to fulfill my physical hunger but they taste good so I desire more. I end up eating all the mangoes I have but I still desire more. So, I ask my neighbor for some and I eat all of hers but I for some reason, I am still wanting more. So, I go to the store and buy some--not because I'm hungry but because I crave and desire them. My hunger is insatiable for mangoes.

But, it is possible to move out of hunger and into learning. I've learned that if I eat too many mangoes, I get a stomach ache and feel very uncomfortable. I feel guilty and unhappy. So, I try not to eat too many mangoes anymore. I'm learning.

My experience with Gai (see last post) was what I conceived as an experience in the learning world. I put my own wants and annoyances and desire to be tranquilly inactive (Heaven) aside to try and learn something--to experience someone else as a living being.

Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't still shift up and down through hunger, animality, heaven, and so on.

But, for a brief moment, I slipped into learning. And what did I learn? That it's worth something just to experience humanity--anyones humanity--just to be open to it. That, at some point, I'm the same as you and you're the same as me.

To put it plainly, some people make and serve food while other's order and eat from a silver spoon BUT we all eat. We all must eat to live. The fact that we all eat makes us all human. The fact that we all get tired and sleep and inevitably, move through different life states is what differentiates and connects us. There should be no such thing as an untouchable or someone who is "too far gone" in society. As long as we're breathing, there's potential to be in any life state at any given moment.

I realize that I may or may not have muddled things more with my supposed clarifications--so maybe consider the source and consider my influence while reading the above.

Signed,

Striving to Learn!