One Year In

Year in Pictures---coming soon---Internet here is super sluggish!



I biked in to the District today; couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day for such an excursion. Today hit around 93 degrees with light breezes and cool drafts in the evening. Lovely. If only the cool season lasted longer. If only I was more ambitious to get out and take advantage of it more often! What perfect timing for a bike ride seeing as how I had been feeling a little cabin-feverish. I’ve been gone a total of 18 days this month and yet, January seems like the longest month ever. Everything is expedited when I’m away but the moment I get back it’s like life suddenly shifts to slow motion. It seems the more I’m gone, the harder it is to get back in the grove of living in the village and working at the SAO. So, today I got out and took the liberty of mailing some letters, visiting the Internet Café, going to the market, and topping off my phone with pre-paid minutes. In fact, I just took the whole day off from the office, especially since there wasn’t anything pressing there for me to do. There hasn’t been for a while...

I’ve been working out of home more and more. For all intents and purposes, I make up my own hours whether it’s at home or at the office. But, believe it or not, I do get things done from home. After a while, it just didn’t make sense to go in from 8:30 to 5 every day to essentially check my emails, blog, go on office ‘errands’ with co-workers, update project proposals and keep asking people when would be a good time to work together. Understandably, the staff has their regular daily/monthly/yearly tasks to complete aside from attending to the local Peace Corps Volunteer all the time. This is also one of the busiest time of year when the SAO has to collect, enter, and analyze household data of all the 6,000-some residents in the Sub-District. So, with uninterrupted, ample time while enjoying the view of front porch I can do random research at home, study reading/writing Thai or work on grant proposals with other Volunteers. Truth be told, I’ve also killed many a book and movie, while intermittently writing poetry and journal entries. I’m still trying to strike a balance between working at home, at the office, and moving around the village.
I know I talk a lot about the projects I have in the works, all the things I’ve done or plan to do but upon reaching the one mark year now, I must go where I’ve not gone before. The in-between time. Like what happens when I’m not dispersing surveys or facilitating PDM’s, taking villagers to conferences or attending ceremonial functions.

When I first got here, I had my Master’s degree to keep me organized, motivated, on task. There were assignments to turn in, portfolios to prepare. Time went by really fast. Night fell and I hit the pillow hard, even if I was working into the wee hours of the morning. From April to August, I didn’t really notice how much time my studies were taking up and how much I had to fill on my own. Additionally, I was new here. People were always coming by and giving me things, inviting me places, walking in my front door, ‘thai-napping me, sitting and watching me for hours on end. For some of the villagers, I was the first white person they had ever met. The novelty of that still lingers, every time I walk in to a shop or a market or through one of the villages I don’t visit often; on a bus and in restaurants. But, for the most part I’ve come to blend in with my immediate, home surroundings (to a certain degree, of course). My neighbors, for example, will take note when my door is shut or when I say I’ve got a busy schedule for the day and they’ll give me space. They also ask me where I’m going less frequently. I’m assuming this is because they know other people know me and I know my way around. At work, my co-workers are much less attentive than before. It is Thai custom to be very hospitable and take care of guests. When I first arrived, people were constantly bringing me coffee, food, and water, asking me if I was comfortable, or if I’d like to go anywhere to buy household items, etc. Now there is little of that.

Someone from Group 120 once said your first year is like your childhood. People are constantly taking care of you, holding your hand, feeding you, and coddling you. Then, your second year you become a teenager and finally people start treating you like an adult. Attentiveness decreases, responsibility increases, formalities become less important, and people become more frank. I can see this playing out in my service every day. The challenge of the second year, then, becomes having to be more like an adult. What worked for the first year suddenly doesn’t seem to have such an effect anymore. The challenge of this year will be to keep up self-motivation, responsibility, consistency, and positivity. In addition, to set more personal goals and work toward achieving them—because it’s all connected in the grand scheme of things. In order to work effectively in the community, I have to continually work towards developing myself. I’ve come a long way and the practice has paid off; now it’s game time. Now that my language is better, I know how to get around, I know who to go to for what, I know how to act and dress appropriately, detect body language, design a project, and more importantly, what to expect when things don’t work toward my liking, I can either sink or swim. As a Volunteer, I’ve experienced extreme highs and extreme lows. Sure, it’s easy to feel like you can do anything and that you really are making a difference. But, it’s also easy to slip into that mind frame of...nothing’s working out the way I planned, no one ever listens to me, nothing’s getting done, what am I doing here?! etc., etc., etc. No matter what, it’s important to always remember this is an experience for me and for those around me like no other. No one could have predicted what would happen. So, I’m taking deep breaths. I’m meditating. Visualizing intermediate and long-term goals. I’m cooking and eating healthy; lightly exercising, reading interesting books, staying informed and connected with the outside world. Giving time for my own development and myself has become an important factor in this experience. I haven’t had this much time to be alone with myself and my thoughts for a very long time. It’s healing in a way.

Slowly things are picking up again. A pivotal point in all this has been to completely deconstruct all the expectations I had. Stop feeling like I’m not on task or that I should be done with things already. It just doesn’t work that way. I came in with all these grandiose plans of abolishing pollution and chemical pesticides, and teaching kids English, and telling everyone about safe sex, and wearing helmets, and teaching everyone how to be 100% self-sufficient, starting project after project after project—meeting goal after goal after goal. But, maybe all that was just static that got in the way of really listening to people and recognizing how people live/want to live. I was ignorant, I was arrogant to think I knew anything about the way they have lived for centuries and the reasoning behind so many things that they do. Or to think that things would just magically happened in sequential order. It would appear I have come full circle and now they have my full, undivided attention. I’m going to listen and help in ways people would like my help—not do things how I think they should be done. Do my best; live in the moment. Oh, and try to save some money! It’s going to be hard, but then again, so is everything in life worth doing.

While biking in to the District, I pondered all these changes that have occurred both inside me and throughout my surroundings. It was a humbling experience to say the least. As I passed shops and markets, people smiled, some waved. A year ago they would have starred and shouted out farang, farang! (I do still get that, just not so frequently). In so many ways, this place really has become familiar and like a second home. My Peace Corps family has also become more cherished. Having the support, friendship, and understanding of other Volunteers is such a priceless thing. Starting at 52, down to 43, we’ve lost some good friend, shared many a laugh and cry, and grown leaps and bound together as a group. It’s hard to believe Group 122 has already arrived in country and started training. We really are adults now! As 2010 begins to unfold, I take all these reflections in and persist with patience and optimism to see what the endless possibilities the year ahead has in store for me.