Familar Faces, Different Places

Familiar Faces, Different Places
Have you ever encountered that experience of meeting someone you feel like you already know or they either look/act exactly like someone else? You know, when you start talking to someone and you get that déjà vu feeling like...I have had this conversation before or this person acts/looks/sounds exactly like so and so. It has happened to me more times than I can count. And, it’s peculiar that I have these experiences amongst people I have met from all over the world—from completely different cultures, backgrounds, and even languages. This sort of thing is a consistent occurrence here in Thailand. When I first got to Thailand and especially to site, I was getting these consistent feelings of strange familiarity like I had been here before or I had met certain people previously. Perhaps, in some way this feeling of déjà vu is triggered by the subconscious drive to recognize something, anything from completely new and unfamiliar surroundings. It does indeed help in adapting to different places and relating to people.

In any event, since I have been at site now for more than 4 month I get this feeling with people and places less frequently—with the exception of a few people I work in close proximity to. One of which is my Thai Counterpart. She is 30-years old and married with one daughter, the same age as my oldest niece. Time and time again, she reminds me so much of my older sister. She takes care of me like a sister, makes sure to include me in important events, lets me know what is going on, and is constantly there to be a friend and confident. And she isn’t afraid to give me constructive feedback. I always feel like I can go to her for help or advice or a cup of sugar... She’s even been known to tease me like a sister. The funny thing is, she doesn’t know me as near well as my real sister and can’t possibly. But, she seems to get me without having to say a lot. Even though, my Thai isn’t great she seems to understand me in a way that is more in-depth than words in any language could describe—just like my sister. I know she can’t replace my sister and the relationship we have it is still, nonetheless, very comforting and nice to have someone here like her. Someone more than just a sister figure; someone who I can actually relate to like I do with my own sister.
The other very familiar ‘face’ in this different place is the single person who has probably given me the hardest time since I have been here. He is the Head Elected Official of the sub-district area in which I live, the Naoke. Now, this man, whom everyone refers to as “Pa Naoke”, is a very set in his ways. I’m pretty sure Pa Naoke would refuse to try something new out of principal—tradition being the only tried and true way. Truth be told, he is a bit of an old curmudgeon. People respect him as far as his age and role are concerned but it is obvious that his ability to influence ran its course a long time ago and everyone is anxious to bring in someone new to his position. I can’t tell if Pa Nayoke has always been this way or it’s the onset of retirement. And despite his sour demeanor, he seems to care deeply for his family and he maintains strong friendships within his immediate village community—something that probably helped him get elected in the first place.

For the last 4 month, this man has wanted nothing to do with me. From the moment I was introduced to him he has been snide and facetious. For Thai people, this is pretty uncharacteristic. Once, Pa Naoke told me to wait for him in the afternoon for him to come pick me up and take me to this important community event. Suspiciously, I double-checked with everyone to make sure I hadn’t misheard him. Sure enough, he told everyone else the same that he would pick me up. I ended up waiting all afternoon—intermittently calling my counterpart to make sure the plans hadn’t changed. By 5 PM, the event having come and gone, I was able to finally realize the extent of this man’s distaste for me. When I saw him again, he spitefully asked me why I wasn’t at the event. Other than this one time, I don’t think I gave much concern to whether or not he liked me or not. I guess it might have bothered me more if he was a more influential person in the community but mostly everyone felt that he was limited in his ability have good personal and even work relationships.

I know now that his aversion towards me lies heavily in the fact that I am a young, foreign, unmarried female with a college degree that has arrived to work as a community development facilitator. This makes no sense in his world where the roles between men and women are very defined. To him, women my age should already be married, having babies, working to support a family, and taking care of a household. Not wandering off to volunteer in foreign lands. Silly farang girl! Through everything, though, I still got this weird feeling of déjà vu when I was around him or talking to him. He consistently reminded me of someone. But, I was never able to quite pinpoint who or why until just recently...

Last week I was having lunch with the SAO Office Staff in honor of Pa Naoke for the past four years he spent working in the SAO and representing the community. His term officially ran up at the end of July and the community is currently in an interim election period until September 6, when villagers will cast their votes and elect a new Nayoke. Since he is not running again the special lunch was similar to a going away party—a formality if you will. In all likelihood, his term ending would probably have been a bigger deal if people were fonder of him. I happened to be sitting next to him going through the usual small talk... “mmm...this food is delicious” , “would you like more rice”, “yes, I do get sick of the rain”, and (my personal favorite), “that’s right, I ride my bike everywhere and I LOVE it.” Suddenly, I start to notice him speaking to me in a way he never has before. Telling me that I should bike by his house and have dinner with his family some time and that I should call if I need help or want him to do anything. At one point, he even told me that I was speaking better Khmer. It felt like he was trying to be more than civil to me. Nice even. It also seemed genuine. Then, it suddenly hits me. Pa Naoke, in so many ways, is my maternal grandfather. I don’t know why I never saw it before. My grandfather was a hard man to live with but even harder not to love. He was 100% pure German Catholic, traditional, with a tremendous work ethic, stubborn and frank most of the time, yet, very caring and sincere to his family. He had been through a strict upbringing, war, famines, and supporting his family through several means. He was also a witness to tremendous changes in the world. Boy, could that man tell a story! My grandfather lived until he was 93 and he wore his years of wisdom on his face. I suspect if I had known my grandfather in another context, he might have seemed exactly like Pa Nayoke. But, since I recognized his loving side maybe more than his obstinate side, I couldn’t grasp the familiarity for the first 4 months. Which, is why it was at the moment Pa Naoke started showing his softer side that I finally put two and two together and realized the déjà vu of it all.

Leaving the restaurant, my counterpart leans over to me and says with a grin and sense of sarcasm in her voice: “I saw you talking to Pa Naoke, are you going to miss him around the office?” I think about it for a moment. “Yeah,”, I say, gazing out the window back at him, “actually, he reminds me of someone I used to know.”