Cabin Fever

The lonely road to my office...see any tumbleweed?

Maybe it's the humidity, maybe it's the smoke settling on the horizon from all the recent havoc; perhaps, it's having ridden my bike too many times in the heat of the day or having too many meals of rice, naam prik (chili sauce) and Thai omlets. Or it could be that I haven't left site since the beginning of April. Whatever it is, I can't shake this urgent, profoundly unsettling, sense that I need a change of scenery.

I'm extremely restless, finding it harder and harder to focus on the task at hand and therefore, causing only counter productivity. It's not a happy feeling. I really think it has something to do with the 'slowness' of life here. I've spent more and more time in my front yard hammock, skimming my fingers on the sand below while reading text book here, novel there, writing and drawing, snacking, and at times, taking small cat naps. The weekends are particularly slow. Dirty clothes build steadily through the week and a couple weekend hours are set aside for hand-washing. I sometimes looks forward to this slow, monotonous task. Dusting and cleaning usually ensue. Half a dozen times throughout Saturday and Sunday, I mosey on over to my neighbors and strewn about while the ever-popular topic of how hot it is seems to be the only thing worth discussing. Sometimes, the only words I pass between between myself and the company I keep on these lazy afternoons are uttering the words... Rawn, no? Hot, no? Sooo Hot. Alternatively, I've made a practice of walking the opposite direction to the village store, where my friend P Gaeo sells basic supplies and snacks. It's actually hotter in her dimly lit, dusty store than it is at my house or on my neighbors veranda. But, it's company and it's getting out of the house. We sit and chat, sometimes watch silly Thai game shows or the news. She asks me about how to say this or that in English and I ask her about Thai. We watch villagers coming in and out, some stop to reminisce, some are belligerently drunk and overly 'affectionate', others hesitate when they see me. Believe it or not, this hardly makes the time pass any faster--probably on account of her store being a virtual inferno. Then, I jump on my bike and ride around while people holler... bpai nai? (in Khmer: doo naa or mo-bi-naa) 'where are you going', 'where have you been' It doesn't really matter that I've come from no particular place or that I'm headed in no particular direction. But, I refrain from saying, I'm not going anywhere...I'm just bored!


My dog friend, Hank, another frequenter of the lazy afternoon


Then again, it's really hard to say that sedate village life is really to blame for my restlessness. Work comes in spurts and it's hard to say what tomorrow will bring. It could bring nothing really. I guess the unpredictability of my work and the sporadic-ness of my schedule can be unnerving as well. Although,this also gives me the opportunity to do such things as spend almost a whole day picking up and burning roadside garbage. I did that last Thursday.

But, still. I need a little getaway. Just a little one. A weekend here or there. Hopefully this upcoming weekend. To spend with friends, and reminisce. To rest and relax, align my chii if you will.



A previous R&R retreat in Bangkok. Hopefully I'll be doing this again soon!