Family Ties and Life Choices

 

Becoming an Aunt, Round 2

I am so excited and happy to announce the newest addition to my family! My sister's second daughter, Sienna Marie, was born on July 21, 2009 at 9:29 AM, weighing in at 7Lbs, 10 ounces. It was great to find out about this in real-time having a consistent stream of phone calls with my sister and her husband from the hospital. Technology is great! Especially when you are on the other side of the world and you still want to share in the lives of your loved ones. When my first niece was born, I was fortunate at the time to be living only 30 minutes away from my sister. Back then, the waters were definitely more unchartered and I was really glad I could be there to support her through the end of her pregnancy, delivery, and after my niece was born. I was also living nearby when she had her wedding. I definitely threw myself full-throttle into the planning/panic mode of making sure many of the last detail had been worked out--I am quite certain I was more stressed about the wedding than the bride was! Point being, I try to ensure I will be around for all momentous occasions.  This time, I was not.

So now, irrespective of the overwhelming joy and excitement in the midst of it all, it does feel very strange not being at the birth like last time. The distance is inevitable and something I have learned to deal with. Even so, when a major event happens, the reality of the space between us (the people I am close to) becomes bittersweetly clear. It is just another reminder that no matter how much we communicate, there will always be that physical distance. This, too, is part of the Peace Corps Experience.  

Actually, this certainty is more a reality of my chosen lifestyle than it is a reality of being in Peace Corps.  It just intensifies in the Peace Corps since I am here for two years and not able to visit home as often as I normally would.   For some time now, my life choices weighed heavily on traveling extensively, going to school in various far-away places, and planning for a career in which I would undoubtedly be traveling or living abroad.  Accordingly, I have come to terms with the trade-offs that are bound to occur because of my chosen lifestyle.  Somehow, it works relatively well for me most of the time.  I don't have to see or talk to my family or good friends every day in order to be closer to them or love them any more.  I truly carry them with me and they know this.  My affections may come out in less conventional ways but are nonetheless, there.  My unconventional affections in this instance have come out via sending baby gifts, talking about life/new experiences, and being steadily supportive through different mediums.

Relating to the Mama-to-be

While my sister was well into her third trimester in the heat of summer back home—surviving by air-conditioning and cold showers—she often asked me..."How do pregnant women get by in Thailand (in the villages) with their way of life?" After all, it is hot in Thailand all the time and many people don't have air-conditioning or any sort of relief from the humidity. Pregnant women in villages get very basic care and have less of a ‘special’ status than those in the U.S.  I recalled meeting a pregnant woman while helping in the rice field one day.  I asked her how she was able to stand the back breaking work, let alone the heat during her pregnancy.  She gave an exceptional response that also reflects Thai culture.  Saying simply, "It's just a part of life... I work in the field just the same as always because it needs to be done every year, I work because I am healthy and able to help... If I weren't here, it would be strange" as if to imply that though she was pregnant, life has to continue, there is still rice that needs to be planted. No matter her circumstance, she still wanted to contribute to the whole if she was able.  As for the heat, she replied..."It's not so hot and I'm used to it already... I rest when I need to." 

I relayed this experience to my sister in awe.  I also told her, I believe it's not because living traditionally and relatively simply, that women feel like they don't have the 'luxury' to rest or do less when they are pregnant. Rather, they view it as just a normal part of life that does not warrant the need to rest all the time.  The woman was obviously aware of her vulnerable state but still felt compelled to contribute when she could. This is a perfect example of the collectivism that exists in Thai culture.  The greatest part of this whole experience was that I could relate it to my pregnant sister back home.  She, in that state herself, could begin to get an idea of the completely different lifestyle and world view here and how it relates to the different stages present in life.  

 

Life Choices & More Experiential Connections

Along these lines, an important thing I believe my lifestyle provides an outlet to share my experiences with everyone and open up a unique exchange of ideas and views of life that would have not otherwise surfaced. Had I not traveled, my life and perhaps that of others around me would be missing something.  For instance (again),  iving with a family in Bolivia last summer gave me the opportunity to share what life is like in America and act as a medium between my family back home and my Bolivian family about what life was like in Bolivia. It was very much like my exchange here--only obviously in a different setting.  Once, we made Mexican food (which, is vastly different from Bolivian food, ie: there are no tortillas in Bolivian cooking).  At the time, we got to talking about the Mexican influence in America.  Which, lead into talking about my brother-in-law who is Mexican and speaks Spanish but with a different dialect than Bolivians. Then, we got to thinking about the mass diversity that exists in Latin America.   The conversations ensued and I continued to share with my family back home about these experiences. Ironically, one year later my real sister and my sister-in-law from Bolivia had babies around the same time.  Through the pregnancies, we conversed about having babies in America and in Bolivia.  These conversations have allowed me to conceptualize and connect this one monumental experience and pivotal change in life between two people who would have otherwise never known or met each other or even realized the other existed. They still may never meet but they can relate to having the same experience at the same time.   It is an awesome thing to encounter.  Especially when I am neither in Bolivia or America but here in Thailand.  

This sort of thing drives me.  It is something that allows room to expand upon the reality of what we know, connect people of different backgrounds and lifestyles, and relate more intimately to the human condition of all people in the greater scheme of things.  

Some people would argue that the changes and physical distance that happen over time will eventually trump the shared experiences and people will grow apart, leading separate lives. The way I see it though, human being are capable of transcending relationships through life changes. After all, change is inevitable. Every day we are changing, growing, shedding our old skins and revealing new layers. No matter if I am here in Thailand or if I am in Iowa.  Time flies, babies are born, babies grow into children, children into teenagers, teenagers into young adults, kids go to college, make life choices, get jobs, get married; people witness tragedy, suffering, love, success, loss, spirituality; they travel, make homes, grow old and on and on and on. My experiences contribute to the changes in myself-- about what I believe, how I act, and how I live but there is something inside that still makes me who I am.  And that is why I believe I can still have meaningful and essentially the same relationships I would have whether or not I am physically present.  Besides, being a semi-nomad is very much a part of who I am, so it makes sense.  

 Travel and discovering the unknown, in general, has been second nature to me since I was a kid.  My dad recently recalled how I used to have an obsession with collecting postcards from all over the world and find excitement in talking about them.  He then realized that the travel bug had been itching inside me for a long time.   In college, I tried to travel and soak up as many unique experiences as possible--always sending home outrageous, fun, and sometimes peculiar recollections.   So when deciding on grad school, I realized that if I was going to continue my travels I should make them more meaningful and try to make a living by working in or in relation to other countries.  Queue Master's of Public Administration in International Management.  I figured since I have traveled so much already I should learn more about internationally-related policies, institutions, and organization--along with global politics and economics. Then try to make a career from that foundation.  It is a great outlet that will allow me to initiate more connections and realizations about people and about the world.  

These life choices arose organically in response to my emergence as an adult that reflect what I am truly passionate about--and what I want out of life.  I suspect as my life ensues I will be presented with more divergences in the wood and whichever way I choose, my decisions will somehow include this part of me. As far as affecting the people I love and care about, they know what makes me who I am and they understand that my lifestyle suits me.  That understanding and acceptance itself fortifies the ties that bind and keeps us together.  We may not agree on everything all the time or quite understand the changes occurring in each other but we listen just the same and strive to continue the exchange.